E-VIVAL LOVE TIPS FROM YOUR DEAR OLD AUNTIE DEE

Dear Auntie

I’m single, again, and feeling completely overwhelmed and confused. I would like to meet that one special someone, but so far I have only been disappointed and hurt in my attempts to find true love. I’ve been searching everywhere for advice on how to get this to happen for me, but there is just SO much out there! What should I do? Should I go online? And if so, which site should I choose? Should I buy into the self-help programs, you know, like “Seven Weeks to Finding Your Soul Mate”? Should I join a gym? Or a church? Get a makeover? Hire a love coach? Take dance lessons?   Apply pheromones? I feel stuck with too many choices and completely unsure about which way to turn.

Signed,

Loveless and Lonely

Dear L and L,

I hear you honey.   Romance Land is one gigantic minefield, and it sounds like you’ve already gotten your tushie blown off. No wonder you’re a quavering, emotional cripple with paralytic mental-function overtones.   But fear not, because your dear old Auntie Dee has just what you need. It’s called “Reading Your Love Life on Page 45.” And it’s so easy that if you can actually bring yourself to at least make the decision to move your own arm, then even you can do this. It’s deliciously ubber-low-tech, and the best part of all is, it’s free!   Here’s how it works:

  • Pick up the closest book to you.
  • Turn to page 45.
  • Read the first full sentence on the page.

And lo and behold, all will be revealed. Your love life will become as transparent and uncomplicated as you are.   I read my own this morning, just for fun: the first book I saw happened to be “Standing in the Shadow” by Shannon McKenna (don’t judge me!) and on at the top of page 45 it says, “Get dressed and we can go out to the supermarket; you’re fridge is empty.”

See that? One hundred and ten percent spot on. The only relationship I’m in right now is a complicated one with food, and I’m good with that. So, now it’s your turn. Get on out there and find a book. And please don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.

Your very own,

Auntie Dee Pressent

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